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Dec. 31st, 2037


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Oct. 24th, 2016


Witch-y comment

When I was on vacation, paradox_puree was standing next to me, checking Google Maps despite me knowing the way: "I know you know where *YOU* are, but I want to know where *I* am."

It struck me as very reminiscent of the witches in Discworld.

Oct. 23rd, 2016


Random encounters & the wandering gender chart

(That title would make a great band name ;))

Ran in to a couple stoners at Jack In The Box. They couldn't decide what to order, so one looks over to me, and asks, "Excuse me sir, what did you order?"

Fifteen minutes later, I'm at another nearby shop, and they wander in again. This time I'm being repeatedly referred to by my name, which is pretty blatantly female.

At no point in any of this did I feel like my gender was relevant to the experience - it was just a social placeholder because you have to say something where "sir" would go. No sense of hostility or even surprise at me being gendered differently. I'm not sure if they even noticed. (I mean, they were stoners :))

I dunno.

This is just... my default experience of gender, and I get the impression this is a typical cis experience of gender? Certainly, I have had long-haired cis-male friends mention they get called "ma'am" and short-haired cis-female friends get gendered "sir". It happens. No one seems to mean anything offensive by it.

I feel like I shock other trans people by just... not caring; by subscribing to that cis experience. By refusing to give it much weight. I've had entire conversations on the bus with someone who seemed quite convinced I was a guy, and I just... don't see why either of us should care enough to bother correcting that assumption :)

Oct. 17th, 2016


Nominevoyant (#65)

I never forget a name. I never learn a name. I just see them, there, the way you see colors and shapes.

I've known your name since before we met. Since the day you were born, in fact. I know it's not the name you go by today. I can tell you when it changed, who knew you by the old name for longer, and who you only ever knew by your new name. I know the cruel nicknames you endured growing up, and the affectionate ones whispered in your ear by lovers. I can tell you every username you've ever used - yes, even that one. Even the ones you've forgotten. Even the ones where all the ephemeral digital traces have been washed away by the sea of times.

Does it have it uses? Oh yes. Definitely. But I'm far more ethical than to actually use it that way.


Went for a walk today. Thought about things. Realized I should probably start heading home, but I wanted to keep going. The gods gently nudged that no really this was not a wise idea by making it rain. I took the hint and wandered home. Sara Bareilles's album, "The Blessed Unrest", continues to be very good for depressed walks, and a few songs I usually ignore ended up being strikingly relevant to my thoughts.

Also I still need to write a SPOTD tonight...

Oct. 15th, 2016


Carbonation (#64)

So, the first time my power manifested, it took us a bit to realize it. See, me and a friend went camping. We go to bite in to some avacados and we just sort of. Pause and stare at each other. They tasted fine. They hadn't gone bad. But they... tingled? And this is a very very wrong sensation, coming from an avacado.

But my friend, she's a chem major, so she picks up on it fast enough - they're carbonated. Which meant, apparently, one of us had the power of Carbonation, because fruit is not widely known for being sold pre-carbonated.

And that's... pretty much the extent of the power. It's a great signature move, though. Break it out on a first date, or when someone comes to visit. My friends are all very careful not to let anyone know about the joke. And it's great watching that expression. It's completely unique. Nothing else quite produces the same reaction as when someone first eats carbonated fruit, without advanced warning.

I mean, my soda is also always fresh, never flat? There's that too. Oh, heh. And you know that trick with Mentos and diet cola? I don't need the Mentos. Fun little parlor tricks like that.

I want to start posting more

I want to start posting more here. Discussing what's going on with my life, and inside my head. Having a philosophy that's not wrapped up in abstract, non-verbal spaces, but instead something I can share with people.

I'm a bit worried that the SPOTD posts will overwhelm any efforts at "real" communication, but IDK, still worth a try, right? And I could always dump those in to unplace...

I want to get back in to writing "Elly's life", but maybe summarizing seasons instead of months.

I desperately want to avoid EVER wandering off the deep end and using this posting as an excuse to dump my fights out publicly, though. That's really what made me stop. I'm... I regret a lot of the stuff I posted when Joyce and I broke up. Some of it was necessary and I was needing support, but a lot of it was just mean and pointless and I don't want that content living here any further.

Not that I appear to have an actual audience? But this journal has always been about ME :)

Oct. 14th, 2016


Empathy (#63)

I mean, they call it Empathy, and everyone expects that I know what the people around me are feeling. But that's not really how it works. I can't tell if you're happy or sad, but I can tell how you'd react to a hug, or the suggestion of grabbing coffee, or... I guess I shouldn't mention that one, should I? Sorry.

Most people find it a little disconcerting, once they notice. And it can take a few weeks. People are all wrapped up in their own worlds, their own patterns. Even when you know, intellectually, that the world is a deeply diverse and chaotic place, it's hard to really prepare yourself for how disorganized and mismanaged the place can be. One person was raised that you say "hello" to strangers, and so it's not odd at all to them when I say hi. Another person can't handle eye contact, much less talking, and so it's a great comfort to them when I also stare straight down at the ground.

Eventually, people notice that you're a little too perfect. You get them in a way that their best friend doesn't, that even their wife and family don't. The power isn't the most clever thing - it only peers at the short term consequences. You're on your own for navigating a sea of crushes, accusations of being a telepath, and relationships destroyed because merely-human can't compete against divinely crafted perfection.

People, though, are not the extent of empathy. No one is really surprised to find out that I can read pets, too. I can pet-sit basically anything, because I'll get the right nudges to keep them happy and well fed. Sure, maybe I over-treat them a little bit, but I can tell where the line of excess is.

But then, pets aren't the only things with wants and desires, other animals have it too. Everything alive, really. The insect that's terrified of big huge humans, and just wants someplace warm to hide. The competing desires of trees and their aphids.

And if it all bottomed out there, I don't think I would have been nearly so weirded out by this power. But did you know cars have desires, too? I can feel how over-revving the engine stresses things, how it hates being cooped up, mothballed for two weeks while you're on vacation. I can feel the conversations between stoplights, and the way they simply desire to shape traffic in to aesthetically pleasing arrangements. I can't run a red light anymore. I know how much it bothers the stoplights.

Clairvoyance (N/A)

I see things that aren't here. But they are *there*, I guess you could say? Visions of other places.

On a good day, I can call it up at will. Check if the store is well stocked before I visit, scry around for my car keys. Other days, it just comes and goes as it pleases. Visions of where the universe wants me to be.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to notice that the universe has a theme going. I go where the vision tells me to be, and I'm there just in time to help them out. I see a kid drowning in the lake and can call 911. I see a lonely stranger, and I chat with them for a few minutes, and... and then things that evening take a much brighter turn, I'll say.

Makes you wonder, though. Why? Wherever these powers came from, they seem awful human. There aren't a lot of folk that'd disagree that powers make the world a better place. Certainly, it's nothing like the comics from when I was a lad, before this all became real. Back then, we all assumed it would be laser beams and epic brawls between good and evil. Instead we get an old man having visions and helping out strangers.

It's not just clairvoyance, neither. There's an awful lot of powers that seem to guide their users. Like some sort of sheep dog. Even the dangerous powers, they tend to end up in the right hands. There's someone behind this, and they're awful concerned with us thinking of them as our friend.

But sometimes I stay up at night, and I wonder. Sure, it all looks neat and clean from where I'm standing. But, even me, with my clairvoyance, I can't see the big picture. I can't see the vantage behind all this mess.

Is the world really a better place, because of what I do? Or is it the case that the stranger I talked to, convinced him everything was okay... maybe he was dealing with the guilt from disowning his gay son? And I just talked him in to the idea that it's okay to be homophobic, that his principles are more important than his children. Maybe I'm just saving the lives of scumbags and criminals.

I'm not saying it's not right to do what I do. I still do it. Couldn't live with myself afterwards if I didn't. But I wonder. What's the vantage like, from way on high? What do the people behind all of this see, that we don't? Even my clairvoyance won't answer that one.

Executive Function (#62)

This is seriously the best power. It's not flashy, but I can really get stuff done! Like, just yesterday? I sat down at the start of the day, planned things out. A whole suite of errands: drop off the kids, get laundry taken care of, buy groceries and cook them for dinner. I was working all day long.

Er, no, I mean... I have to actually go do the things, of course. It's not teleportation or telekinesis.

Right, but see, my point is, I just KEPT doing chores. Like, I'm not exaggurating here when I said I was probably working 12 hours yesterday.

Well, if you can do that too, maybe you've also got the power? I've heard it's one of the more common ones. But, I mean, it's more than just doing chores! Like, okay, there's this cool test they use to identify people who potentially have this power. You're put in a room with a marshmallow, and if you can resist eating it for five minutes, you get an extra marshmallow. I've got a 100% success rate!

Oh, sure, it sounds easy and you think you could, but five minutes is a long time.

Alright, fine, more about it.... Like, I know where everything in my house belongs. Everything is nice and organized. My emotions are locked down like, whoah. Someone cuts me off in traffic, and I don't even swear.

Look, if you're really not impressed by all of this, you ought to talk to a metamancer. Like, trust me, this is impressive stuff. If you can do this, you've probably got the power too!

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